"YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS..."
   
How true are one's friends? Hard to tell until the going gets tough - well you know the rest.

It's easy to be a friend when everything is going well, but when it isn't,  will your friends be there for you?  Or more importantly, will you be there for them?

When I started a walking threesome at work during lunchtime, my lunch buddy and friend with whom I shared lunch for over seven years, was pleased with the idea.  We walked for  a half hour of our lunchtime (official lunch period 30 min./acceptable: 45 min.) for about six months.  Due to an injury, I can no longer walk.   My friend is still walking -- not that I would ask her to stop; -- however, she assumed I'd wait until after she finished, to go to lunch with her for the remaining time. (The other gal goes back to her desk to eat). 

When I told her I didn't want to lose the better part of my free time to wait until she was ready for lunch, she was annoyed and perplexed.  She couldn't understand why I wouldn't occupy myself or wait around until she finish the walk so we could eat together as usual.  

I am selfish enough to want a whole lunch period that doesn't revolve around anyone else's schedule, and in turn,  my companion is just as selfish for not being considerate of my time.  That's when I realized what we share is a relationship-of-convenience.

A very revealing aspect of my personality became clear to me as well:  I'd rather be alone, than give up my time for my 'friend';  that I am selfish, self-serving and insincere.  Which strangely is okay, because these negative aspects are common to both in this relationship.

I began to look at my other relationships, past and present,  and discovered I have a history of relationships-of-convenience rather than actual friendships, as I suspect most do.  I came to the conclusion a true friend meets three crucial criteria -  tests of time, distance and selflessness.   The longer I live, the more I learn,  especially about myself.  I have been disappointed and sometime hurt over the years by those I thought were real friends, only to find they were friends of convenience. I now find my past experiences inhibit me to truly commit myself to new friendships.  However, I am lucky for the few true friends that are or have been part of my life.  True friendship is a wonderful gift, but extremely rare.



 








- posted by rosemary @ 9:46 AM